No Signs

I have not heard from Lady R since Christmas but my heart still stays strong that she will be back in my arms in 14 days time. Just got to count the days and stay strong with the faith that Lady R will be back in my arms and my life very soon.

Last work day of the year.

I spent the morning setting up some Cisco AP’s (Access Points for those that do not know) Mr RS was on site with me as I had to show him how to con figure a Cisco AP in good old text mode. Mr RS and I chatted a bit about married life, about how you know she is the one and about past regrets in life and all the signs he saw when he new his wife was the one. I agree with Mr RS the signs can be different for most people but some of the signs are just there. And in the end if all signs and reasons points to the one in your life then she or he is the one.

Mr RS and I finished work at 12:00 and decided that seeing no one is answering the phones in the offices, that we will be taking the rest of the day as a personal day and keep our mobiles on should some one be looking for us. I gave Mr G a call and went out to parklands to meet up with him and catch up on his life. I have not seen Mr. G for a while now and we had a lot to catch up on. Mr. G finally also met his match and is also in cloud 9 with his love life. I chatted to Mr. G about fears and expectations and how to handle them and other issues that were on my mind. Mr. G also has issues and fears on his mind and we both discussed all the issues we both had and have and resolved a lot of them. Mr. G is a good friend who has been married and is knowledgeable on this side of life. Unlike me. Me on the other hand, I only know about relationships and dating and that’s where Mr. G is right now again. Trying to get back into the dating game after a long divorce.

Mr. G chatted to me about a lot of things and the more we chatted about how to know if she is the one the more I realized Lady R is the one and the more we chatted I realized for the first time in my life I am truly OK with a long term relationship, with marriage and the whole package that comes with it. After all the things that’s happened in my past, my fiance and other woman who came and left my life. Who changed me and who taught me valuable lessons in life. I kept the lessons, remembered the good times and moved on but always with a voice in the back of my head that told me to be weary of woman, don’t trust them don’t give it all away to a woman again. I already gave everything I got to Lady R and put my trust in her to keep my heart safe and to keep me sane and I feel ok with that being done and trust Lady R with my life. She is the first woman that I can open up to say what I want to say and express my emotions with out fearing that she will be running for the hills. I can be honest and to the point and Lady R wont run. Lady R is the first woman that I can laugh if I want to laugh and cry if I want to and yes even during a sad, sad movie.

I looked at my new years resolutions and decided on the following. In no particular order:
1) Work more productively and live life more, go camping and spend more
quality time with the people I love in my life.
2) Kill all my debt by June, (OK excluding my Flat and my Car)
3) Learn to speak German again.

I think these 3 should not be too hard, seeing I don’t have vices like Smoking, Drinking excessively, or any other naughty vices.

Well this is me for now. Happy new years to all my readers and hope that 2007 brings all the things you have been dreaming about.

Missing You

My heart aches within from missing you,
My lips long for the feel of kissing you,
Right now all I need is to gently touch your skin,
To look into your eyes and see deep within,
Just one warm embrace,
Just to look upon your face,
Just one little touch,
From the one I love so much,
If I could gaze upon your smile,
For just a little while,
To know that you miss me too,
As I'm thinking of you,
To hear the sound of you breathe,
Knowing you'll never leave,
To see you walk up to me,
Then embrace you tenderly,
To just be with the one who's sent my heart reeling,
And brought about this downpour of emotion and feeling,
I sit here alone in my office tonight,
And pray that somehow this all turns out right,
I've never been one to do more taking than giving,
I'm not well off but I work hard for a living,
I've told you many thoughts that weren't borrowed or bought,
And in lifetime, who would have thought,
That I have found someone who was just meant for me,
I can't explain the magic or why this should be,
But there is one thing that I know for certain,
That this just ain't over till one of us draws the final curtain,
For I've seen an angel and I want you to know,
If it's my choice to make, I'll never let you go,
Don't know what life holds, maybe there's no reason or rhyme,
To think you may be mine in a matter of time,
And though I cannot touch you and we are now apart,
My Love, you do dwell, so deep within my heart.

I miss Lady R so much, I found its affecting my work and my sleep patterns. I just hope the above dribbling makes sense.

South Africa needs to become service Focused

THE MOST HONEST TAXI IN CAPE TOWN


I decided to take my mum out to dinner last night. What a nightmare. Ok I do understand it’s the 26th and most restaurants staff would not pitch but come on.

We went to the Dros and sat awaiting 30 minutes for a waiter, there was only 5 tables being used out of the entire restaurant. I eventually got up and asked the manager to assist us, who then gave is a even more useless waiter. He managed to first bring me the flattest coke ever and then he managed to take another 40 minutes to come back to us and tell us there is not enough kitchen staff and that he will have to cook the food himself, which he attempted to do only to come back with a steak that looks like its never seen a grill and spare ribs., which my mum never ordered. My mum ordered fish and calamari not spare ribs.

So I decided that’s it. The service in South Africa is bad and Dros canal walk is the worst one by far.

I canceled the order and went to the spur with my mum, where we ran into some of my old friends and my mum’s old friends. DR D is a psychologist and is a good friend of my moms and mine, we ran into him and his boyfriend and he seems very happy now that he knows where he is in life. DR D is so down to earth and relaxed and always has the right advice; Mind you he is a psychologist and he knows me for the past 11 years.

Christmass Alone

A lot has happened since my last update. Work wise I been doing a lot of exchange work and managed to get the guys in the office to start doing documentation on sites in the ITIL format. Some of the guys have been pushing against it but the guys in the other offices are doing things the ITIL way and so it’s become a standard now.

Lady R and I spent quite a bit of time together before she left for France, I have no idea how I will cope the next couple of days with out Lady R. I chatted to some of my friends who only see there boyfriends and girlfriends once a month or worst case once every 8 weeks for a weekend only Here I have to survive 25 days with out Lady R and to top it off she went with her BEFH to France, I have put a lot of trust in Lady R and all I can hope is that she comes back to me.

Lady R and I exchanged gifts the evening before she left for France; I gave Lady R a very small bracelet that she has been eyeing out for a while now. Its not diamonds and its not Platinum but its something she has been looking at for a while and I much rather give Lady R something that she likes rather than go over the top. Lady R gave me a Lacoste T shirt that I wear with pride now and a bottle Lacoste Essential, The only perfume I use.

I had to really fight hard not to cry and not to beg Lady R to stay. I know Lady R will enjoy France and I will grant her all the experiences in life. I just hope next year we will be traveling together. I have been eyeing out some destinations, where some of my friends managed to plant themselves in the world.

I chatted to some of my married friends to get an idea about how married life really is. I realized that I more than ready for the long term settling down, white picket fence and 1.25 kids and a dog. Ok I have the dog already; Codi is my pride and joy, my little 2 year old Siberian husky, he has been my boy for the past 2 years and will be part of me for the next 13 years, seeing huskies only live for 15 years on average.

I’ve been looking at new years resolutions and I have managed to write up a couple in my little black book.

I also found this little article online. http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_top_ten_60/98_dating_list.html
If you answer yes to most of them then they you probably ready for that big long haul with the one you love.

The Devel At My Ear

Well yesterdays worry, turned out to be Lady R leaving her mobile at the office. I naturaly was worried as she works in one of the industrial areas of town. Not the best roads to take late at night. To top it of our email server was off this morning and that also made me worry. No calls comming in or beeing loged to email box's

I managed to sort out the issue with a clients new mail server. Seems you can not install Exchange 2003 on Windows 2003 R2 as it as DotNet version 2.0 on it and Exchange only seems happy with DotNet 1.1

I told Lady R tonight how I feel about her, I thought She will be shocked or scared but I got a pleasant surprise. Lady R feels the same..WhooooHooooo.....


I also realize I have to relax more, I trust Lady R with my life and last thing I want her to think is that I don trust her.

View Of Life

Today started amazingly with Lady R coming to say good morning. Its the first time I saw her since her trip home and it ws so nice to hold Lady R and to feel her close to me. Unfortunatly Lady R could not stay and had to go to work. There is so much thats happened that I want to tell her about. All good things.

I some how am worried about Lady R, I think things are going great, its moving at a steady pace and we dont see each other every day. I know she was very busy today and I was hoping to see lady R this evening even just for 5 minutes to tell her the good news thats eating inside of me.

Lady R and I spoke about alot of things this weekend via Email and I really hope that it did not scare Lady R,

I have been through so much in my life. Loosing people in my life, loosing people I love. Its because of my past that I am who I am, I think all of us can say that though.

I looked at my life this weekend, Spoke to Mr D and to Mr H about there experiances in Love seeing they alot older and Mr H is settled down already, He met his wife almost the same way I met Lady R and Mr H knew that this is it by the 3rd week they were seeing each other. I some how find myself feeling the same way. That this is the woman I am ment to be with, ment to care for no matter what. But I can not make Lady R's mind up for her its entirely up to her. I can onyl but wish and Pray that we are ment to be and that some one bigger has plans for us.

I realised this weekend that I am not afraid of settling down any more. I thought I was ready in the past, things happened and it put me off a commitment this big for a long time. After my ex I decided that enough is enough and I need to find myself and thats what I spent the past months doing. Doing things I want to do and becoming the guy I used to be.

I was hoing to see Lady R tonight but I got a very short email and since then no contact at all not even a text message. But I am very patient, I know how tuff it is to work late or to be overly busy at work that you just cant get the time.

On the work side I have been strugling with a email server and luckely today MR SB helped me out with the issue but I am still worried about the server. I dont think its very healthy.

The Week

The remainder of last week was just work, work and more work. Thing has been hectic with a lot of fires that needed to be put out.
Lady R left for her folks on Friday and I realized this is going to be along long weekend. No Lady R in my arms, no being able to see her smile and look deep into her eyes to find myself lost in them.

I spent my Friday night working at a client and stumbled into my flat at 3 the next morning. I found my bed and passed out. I just wished that Lady R was there to cuddle up next to and know I am truly home.

Saturday was spent with my mum and my boy, yes I have a boy, he is a 2 year old Siberian husky and I love him like a child. Ok think of him as a 2 year old kid that has a lot of hair and cant talk. I also went to get some last minute gifts for my flat mate and my mum. While in the shops I realized the big black rings under my eyes and I decided that its time in my life to start doing the anti aging eye cream and the face wash and the skin protection. My flat mate recons I am metro sexual to a T now. Mind you I have an eye for clothes and for furniture and decoration these days as well as cooking. I just hope it does not make Lady R run away though.

Sunday was sleeping late and then of to my mums to do my own washing. Yes I have to do my own and I don’t mind doing it. Its just one of those things you learn very quickly when you live on your own.

Today I was supposed to see Lady R and well some bright spark decided to be late for the meeting in the office which held every one back about 40 minutes. I am not impressed with this guy at all. Lady R came back today and I long to see her. Long to hold her close to me and catch up on a lot of things that’s happened since I last saw Lady R.

I managed to swap out some work for tomorrow with some one else just so I can see Lady R.

I spoke to Mr. D last weekend, Mr. D moved away from SA and moved to NZ after he was denied to go up to higher management for a mobile company in SA due to his ethnicity being of the wrong orientation. Mr. D and I come a long way and we chat a lot about life and philosophy and Mr. D also says he has never heard me like this or seen me so happy to be with some one special, And he is right. Lady R has some how managed to make me feel what I thought I’d never feel, that feeling that you can’t wait to see some one. The feeling that you get when you rush to pick up your phone cause you just got a text message and expect it to be from the one you fallen for.

Lady R and I been seeing each other for a month now and I still feel the same as the day she kissed me. Yeah lady R kissed me first and all I can say is WOW..

I also noticed that I can remember Lady R’s smell even though she was not with me the whole weekend. I google’d on this subject and found some interesting results. I remember a girl I was about to start seeing, and just the way she smelt when she was glowing put me off of her entirely. Yet Love the smell when Lady R visits me after a long day, Can it be pheromones? Can it be that I am just plain weird?..

Christmas Tree Decorations And Drivers Renewal

Lady R came around last night and we setup the Christmas tree together. It was a lot of fun and something to remember for a long time to come. I wish and Hope that we have a lot more Christmas’s together.

I got a notice yesterday that my Drivers Licence is about to expire and it actualy did expire a week ago. So I thought, just like the rest of Cape Town who's Drivers expired, that if I go in early and get in the queue early I can get my licence sorted out quick. Well guess again. I got to the traffic department at 7:30 got my forms and stood in the line, it took a hour and a half to do a simple eye test and a finger print of my thumbs. And I need to wait 2 months for my new drivers licence which is even more fun as I have to drive with a A4 piece of paper in my car. What a anoyance.

I sat down with the guy who is passing all his work off to me and his superior and we made a work schedule for everything that needs to be done. I already complete half of mine and the guy has not even completed 25% of his allocated work yet. I was told I have a review on Friday and I worry about that a bit I know I should not. As I know I can get another Job very quickly should my review not be very positive. I really want to find a company to settle down in and work for a long period of time. The one I work for will be perfect if the team can just pull together. Right now it’s only me and SB and RS that team together and help each other out.

Work Work Work

I managed to spend my evening working, I really did not want to as Lady R wanted to come over and help me setup the christmas tree. I was so looking forward to it. Its something special to me and its one of those memories that will stay with you for a long time to come.

Lady R sounded a bit down today. She asked me if it does not scare me that we came so far in such a short space of time, and the answer is yes and no. Yes: I dont want to loose what we have and I have never fallen so hard for a woman in my life. No: cause I enjoy every minute with Lady R. If its a walk on the beach or a movie or just spending time talking. I never have that feeling that I have better things to do or that I want to be else were. It feels like Lady R and I know each other and we just seem to get along like a house on fire. Yes we have our arguments and they very firey and we always talk the issues through.

On the work front I managed to discover that there is a guy on the team that just does not want to play ball, he is passing on all his work to me and if I ask him to help I get a simple " Dude, its not my Job" This guy has done this work before and he was listening to MP3's and surfing the net for arb things not related to work. He is more senior than me but he still has to play along with the team if you ask me.

This is bringing alot of stress to my life as it means I have to work late in order for him to go home to his wife on time and then I cant see Lady R because I work to late.

I decided now to focus only on my clients alocated to me and to tell this guy that he has to handle his own workflow and get his technicians to do the work. I'll just have to put it in a very diplomatic way that he thinks I am sending him to hell on a holiday cruise liner.

Long Week Longer Weekend

Old Clonmel City Entrance

Lady R came around to me on Thursday night.
I could not wait to see her, find out about her day and what she been up to. Just listening to her voice and talking to Lady R makes my day. I feel so much more relaxed when I chatted to Lady R. I just wish I can sort out my kitchen now and have Lady R come over after work to get me in the kitchen cooking up a storm. Hell, I wish I could be doing that as often as I can.

Some how I felt very iterated today, it took me a while to figure out why. Its cause I have not seen Lady R this weekend. I normal see Lady R on weekends only.

It’s felt like a super long day yesterday with taking my mum to the shops and looking for gifts.
I noticed something that Lady R needs and popped into the shop to order one for her. I just hope to get it before Lady R goes on holiday. I just hope it will remind her of me as I won’t se Lady R for 3 weeks. 3 Weeks is a hell of a long time for me but I have faith and trust in our relationship and Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

I opted to do some work today to try and keep my mind busy and seeing I won’t see Lady R today.

I have been thinking a lot about where I want to be in 5 years times, where things are going in my life and what I need to change.

What has changed since my Ex and I split was that I became more myself again. I got to the point where I am comfortable with who I am. I also managed get more fashion sense in me, mind you I like looking good for Lady R, and she always looks good to me when I see her, Mind you she always smells nice.

I had a long chat to Onion last night, Onion is a friend of mine who moved to New Zealand, Onion and I come a long, long way, we been friends for ages and we seem to see life in the same way. I met Onion when I was selling some old computer hardware, since then we have been helping each other with computers issues and chatting about life in general. Onion has a good understanding of life and view on life and it always seems to help to talk to Onion when things get tuff or when I don’t get what a woman is actually trying to say.

I caught myself this morning yet again thinking of a future with Lady R, thinking what it could turn out to be. I know I should not do that as it puts goals in your mind, goals that can be reached and goals that can spell disaster for me if they don’t. I do how ever think of next year of Lady R and I being together finally, about not having to worry about the BEFH and just being able to do things that we want to do. There is so much I want to show Lady R, want to experience with her but its all in good time. I just hope and pry that I’ll see Lady R before she goes on holiday and that I will see her after the holidays even more. I seem to have developed a fear of Lady R going on holiday and not seeing her ever again after that, but I have put my trust in Lady R and I have to just hope and pray that she will be part of my life.

Sitting in the office of a client this morning, looking out the windows, I see the typical Irish weather, although I am in South Africa, Its drizzling and its cloudy. The temperature is just about the same as it would be in Ireland on a day like today. It makes me think back of Clonmel, a small town in the south of Ireland; It reminds me of the people, of the country side with all the old stone walls and farm houses.

I miss Ireland some times and I wish I can take Lady R there one day to show her how amazing a country Ireland is. But then I think that I am not Lady R’s BEFH I don’t have a endless supply of money and I can’t buy her everything her heart desires. But then again in the end of the after the game, the king and the pawn goes in the same box. I can only give Lady R unconditional love and anything I have I’ll gladly share with Lady R.