Life Is Starting To Change

Hi all, Its been a busy 10 days. With work and other things. I hardly see Lady R these days. Makes me wonder if she still loves me as much as I love her. I dont know much of whats going on in her life and I dont think she knows much of whats going on in my life at the moment. It honestly looks like she has lost interist in me and in the things I do.

I have started the ball in motion for some serious changes in my life. I will love Lady R to be a part of those changes but seeing she has not seen me in a while I wont know where to begin to tell her.

I guess I'll see Lady R when I see her, So for now my love life is in limbo. I know how I feel but I got no idea how she feels and I got no idea where this is going. I wanted it to go a different way but some times feelings from one person is just not enough. Some times you got to let the rest up to the other person and hope they come back to you or at least let you know whats going on.

Work wise . Well I have been busy with a new huge client. They could be the next google. Hell they started the same way and they still in the same place with old old server and even more ancient workstations used as development servers. Now the fun starts to put together a new server room from scratch and migrate allot of developement work to new high end servers so they can grow even further.

I dont want to make these big changes with out talking to Lady R, with out knowing if she wants me in her life or not. I do see myself with her for a long long time but thats only my view and I can not expect her to accept my views.

"A Better Man" - Pearl Jam

Until the oceans all run dry
Until the stars fall from the sky
Even if words dont seem to rhyme
Ill be addicted to your smile

And if the wind blows out the sun
Ill still believe you are the one
No matter what we're going through
I'll plan to spend my nights with you

I promise you my heart wont fade
I swear to you my soul always
It isnt hard to understand
You're making me a better man

Baby my love will say it all
I'll always catch you when you fall
And if the hard times get too much
I'll still be craving for your touch

I promise you my heart wont fade
I swear to you my soul always
It isnt hard to understand
You're making me a better man

I dedicate my world
I dedicate my all
For every moment
Your leaving me breathless

I dedicate my touch
Forevers not enough
I wanna hold on
I just wanna hold on to you

I promise you my heart wont fade
I swear to you my soul always
It isnt hard to understand
You're making me a better man

It isnt hard to understand, your making me a better man

Changes, Changes in our lives

I spent this week thinking of things that is in my past. Things that I did not think will affect my relationship and things that I thought were best left unsaid.

I kept things from Lady R and kept them from me. I have learnt now not to ever keep things like my past from the one I love.

Keeping things like your ex's folks forcing you to have kids and then when you stand up and say "no, this is not the way I want a kid!" then have her folks turn against your relationship and having your ex seduce you and con you into trying to have a kid without you realising..

And when you realise and confront her she turns to other guys and starts having a fair with someone you worked with.

Things like, why you hooked out and done things out of character, like having meaningless sex with a person just to try to break yourself, try to force yourself to become a bastard.

Things like, why you spoke to someone you should not have spoken to during a very low time in your life.

Things that I should of told Lady R and not this other person.

Things that I now know from now on will only be discussed with Lady R.

Things like, selling my TV to a friend who stayed at my mom's place then using that money to buy my mom a TV. Luckely Mr B does not need the TV as he is more on oil rigs than on land. So I sold my TV to a friend and I get to keep it. I know very odd, does not make sense but I am buying a new TV soon and I'll give my TV back to Mr B. My mom's TV broke and seeing my mom done so much for me I have to start giving back.

Yes, I have a sordid past; I spent some time doing illegal substances.

I partied and danced till I could no more. I ran away from myself, I ran to Ireland to only find myself running after me and got forced to deal with the me that followed me.

It made me a better person. It made me the man I am today.

I left my previous employer because of the back stabbing and a false accusation that I swore at a client, I should have stood up for myself but I ran again. This time I am glad I did as I am working with a bunch of amazing people. I am working with people not just staff.

People who understand each other and care for each other, they just don't see you as just another staff member.

Oh and I am on facebook.com now as well and it says very clearly there that I am in a relationship and very happy.

I have made contact with allot of old friends, friends that I lost contact with when I left school and who were with me in collage and who worked and work with me.

So from this moment on I have decided no more secrets, no more untruths. Just me the person I am.

With honesty and with all secrets revealed you go so much further in a relationship especially
if you realise more and more every day that this is the person you meant to be with.

Song for Lady R

Hi all, sorry for the long delay. Alot has happened in my life and allot is about to change. I'll try to keep things updated here a bit more often.

lady R I found this song the other morning and the words describe how I feel to a T.

-=o0o=-

Lifehouse - Everything

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

-=o0o=-

Lady R I am truely sorry for not telling you about my past. I just hope you can accept that its in the past and that we live for today and for tomorrow.